A Damn Cold Night
by ScarredAngelWings
Summary: After seeing the two people he cares about most die Roxas is irreparably damaged inside. His mother is a monster, his brother is dead, and he doesn't really have a reason to live. In fact he'd rather not be alive if it means feeling all this pain. That is, until Axel Shade pushes his way into Roxas's life with a forceful shove and begins his attempts to heal his poor mangled heart.
1. Prologue: The Death of Hope

**Author's Note:**** Hey people! So I know I just posted the first chapter of ****_another _****Axel/Roxas fanfic but this story is MUCH different than that one. I decided that when I'm feeling kind of down I'll update this story and when I'm in a good mood I'll work on Time Has Brought Your Heart To Me. Sound good?**

**I'm hoping it attracts some readers and reviewers. I'll continue to write it regardless but reviews give me inspiration and motivation. Now, on with the warning and disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kindgom Hearts. I am in no way trying to claim that I do. This story is entirely fiction and not written to make money. The only payment I get from it is reviews!**

**Warnings: ****THIS IS AN M RATED YAOI FANFICTION!**** That means that this story will contain a romance between two guys. There will also most likely be a gay sex scene. It's not the focus of this story but there will most likely be a scene or two (or more if people want it !). ****IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT TWO GUYS HAVING SEX THEN DO NOT READ THIS STORY!**** Or you can just skip those chapters I suppose. But seriously, if you aren't interested in this type of story then don't waste your time reading it just to flame me and tell me that I'm going to hell or something. I've given you plenty of warning and even underlined it so that you would be aware of what this story will contain! **

**There will be swearing including F*ck so if that bothers you don't read on.**

**There will also be depressing situations. This includes abuse, death, suicide, and suicidal thoughts, as well as cutting and self harm. **

**If you're still reading after all of those warnings then please enjoy the story!**

**Prologue: The Death of Hope**

Thirteen year old Sora Black bounced down the school hallway, a spastic ball of happy enthusiasm like always. His spiky brown hair flopped into his bright blue eyes with each bounce. Sora just giggled and batted at it with a gloved hand. His boyfriend of five months, Riku Sommer, held his other hand and tried to keep up with the hyper brunette's pace. The soft smile that he reserved only for Sora played across his lips.

"Roxas!" Sora greeted his twin brother as he and Riku slowed to a stop next to the boy.

"Hey." Roxas didn't bother to look up from his locker as he greeted them.

He looked very similar to his brother aside from his blond hair. His eyes were the same brilliant blue and his features soft and boyish. He was very cute but upon further inspection a painful looking bruise could be found marring his left cheek. There were dark bruises on his neck as well that disappeared into the collar of his shirt. They looked like branded fingers.

"I'm going to tell mom today," Sora said casually. He leaned up against the lockers, playing with Riku's fingers. His tone was relaxed but his shoulder's were tight with tension. Riku gave his fingers a reassuring squeeze.

"What!" Roxas exploded. He slammed his locker shut and looked at the brunette with a fierce expression. "You can't Sora!"

Sora looked unsurprised by his brother's anger, they'd had this conversation before, but he couldn't help but flinch back a bit into his silver haired boyfriend's chest. He took a deep breath before replying. "She's our mother. I know that she isn't exactly a _good_ mother but she did give birth to us and raise us. I think that she at least deserves to know that I'm gay and that Riku is my boyfriend."

"That woman, that _monster_, is not our mother! She's hardly even what I'd call human!" Roxas spat viciously. His eyes burned with hate. "And she doesn't deserve _anything_ from either of us."

"Roxas, I know she's horrible sometimes. _I know_. She can be really... cruel, but I think that she's just a sad lonely person. I think that deep down inside she still loves us. I mean, we're her sons right? She has to love us." Sora's innocence and optimism never ceased to astound Roxas. He simply couldn't understand how the boy forgave their mother so easily. He didn't think he could ever forgive her.

"She doesn't have a heart. She doesn't even have a soul. She's a demon. That _thing_ doesn't know how to love," the blond said dully. "Maybe she did once upon a time but now she's empty. There is no love or goodness in her. Not even the potential for it."

"But..."

"No," the blond boy cut his brother off. He turned around and began to pull up his ragged t-shirt so that Riku and Sora could see his back. "I didn't want to resort to this but if you're serious about speaking to her then I guess I'll have to remind you."

He tugged the shirt the rest of the way up. His back was a mess of small scars, scabs, and patches of purplish bruises. They looked wrong marring such young skin so horribly, but even they looked insignificant compared to the thick, ropy red scar that started at his left shoulder and wound its way down his back, vanishing into his pants near his right hip.

People walking past them stopped and whispered as they saw the scar, wondering where he'd gotten it and why he was showing it in the middle of the school hallway. Riku stared, his eyes wide with horror as he pulled Sora closer. Sora whimpered and turned away, pressing his face into his boyfriend's chest as he remembered how his twin had gotten that scar. He'd been there. He'd watched in absolute terror as his twin suffered that wound, taking it in Sora's place.

They'd been nine years old. Sora was hopelessly naïve at that age. Even worse than he was now. He hadn't understood that there were just some questions he shouldn't ask his mother and some subjects he should never mention. He'd always been curious about his father. He had no memory of the man. There were no photographs in the house and their mother never spoke of him. Burning with a child's curiosity he'd innocently asked his mother if he and Roxas had a father. The result hadn't been anything like he'd expected.

Their mother exploded with fury. She snatched up the nearest object, a heavy glass vase of roses, and smashed it into her son's side. The vase shattered against him, pieces scattering across the floor. The small boy staggered back, bleeding heavily and began to scream in pain. The woman, insane with anger shoved Sora down onto the shards of glass and proceeded to slam her foot down on his wrist repeatedly.

Roxas had flung the door of his room open and raced down the hallway as soon as he heard his brother start to scream. He sprinted across the room without hesitation and leapt at his mother, scratching like an animal and shrieking "Get away from my brother you bitch!".

She'd totally lost every ounce of sanity at that point. Holding her blond son in her iron grip she'd restrained him as she rifled through the hall closet for rope and tied him up, tossing him on the couch. Sora moaned from where he lay sprawled on the floor, his body crying out in pain, and watched his mother step over him to search through the kitchen drawers and come up with a carving knife. He sobbed, unable to do anything as she advanced on Roxas.

The woman that had given birth to these boys took a carving knife to her young son's back and laughed hysterically, tears streaming down her cheeks, as he screamed and bled.

That memory would forever haunt the both of them. They had no idea how she'd explained his state to the hospital but she must have had a very convincing story because nobody had ever suspected that she was responsible for the injuries of her sons.

"I can see that you still remember how I got this," Roxas said quietly as he dropped his shirt and turned back around. "Now tell me Sora, what kind of loving mother would do that to their child? If she had even the smallest bit of love left in her then how could she do these terrible things to both of us? How could it bring her so much pleasure to cause us pain?"

The blond boy walked away without waiting for an answer. His heart ached. His hands trembled. He desperately hoped that he'd gotten his point across.

Roxas spent the rest of the day worrying himself sick about Sora. That night when his brother went to speak to their mother despite Roxas's warnings the blond stood in the hallway, prepared to leap to action if needed. Their mother was in the bathroom brushing her teeth when Sora approached her.

"Mom, I have something to tell you," their was a slight quiver of fear in his voice.

"Go on and spit it out then you little bastard," she rasped harshly.

"I'mgayandI'mgoingoutwithRiku," Sora said as quickly as possible, the sentence expelled in a single breath.

There was silence for a moment and Roxas waited tensely for the reaction. The soft plink of their mother's toothbrush falling into the sink was the only warning he had before the bathroom door slammed shut with a bang and the screaming started.

"You dumbass faggot! I refuse to house a fucked up freak like you! I'll kill you! You don't deserve to live you piece of shit!" the crazed woman shrieked.

Roxas had frantically started his attempts to bash through the door the instant it slammed shut. He rammed his shoulder against the wood repeatedly with no luck. There was a cry of pain from Sora before the bath water was turned on. Roxas's heart stopped. _My God, she's going to drown him_, he thought. He pounded even harder at the door, resorting to his fists. His mother was still screaming but Sora was horribly quiet.

Roxas's knuckles were bleeding. The thick dark liquid stained the door with every punch. Fear made him numb to the pain. Frantic he raced back to his room and snatched up a metal baseball bat. In a matter of minutes he'd bashed through the door.

It was too late.

His mother looked sickeningly pleased. Sora was face down in the water. His eyes appeared to be wide open and empty. He wasn't breathing. The bat fell from Roxas's hands. He struggled to breathe. He couldn't feel anything. He was numb with shock.

_No. It can't be true. Sora can't die. Not sweet innocent Sora._

But he had.

Sora was gone taking every bit of hope and happiness with him. The boy who trusted and loved so much that it killed him. Roxas staggered from the room screaming.

Author's note: It's short, I know, but it's just the prologue so it's meant to be short! And from this prologue you can probably sense the depressing mood of this story. I did warn you! Please review and tell me what you think. Did you like it? Hate it? Anything that I can improve on?


	2. Chapter 1: Waiting in the Dark

**Author's Note**: **No reviews yet but I don't mind because I did get some people following the story! This chapter is also kind of short. Roxas is so out of it that he doesn't notice a lot of what's going on around him and thus his chapter is short. The next chapter is from Axel's point of view and will be muuuccchhh longer. The mood of the story changes in Axel's chapter as well. It makes sense though right since Axel and Roxas see the world in such completely different ways? Anywho, please enjoy and don't forget to review and tell me what you think!**

Chapter One: Waiting In the Dark 

(Roxas's POV)

Black and gray. Everything in the world seemed black and gray, just a blur of dark color. It pressed on me. It smothered me. I hated living.

I tried my best not to feel. Because when I tried to feel all I ever experienced was mind-blowing pain. Three years after his death I still thought about Sora every day of my miserable existence. I thought of Riku often too. The boy that made my twin happy. One of the two friends I'd ever had (not counting my brother of course). The other friend, Zexion, didn't talk to me anymore. I was pretty sure I scared him away. The way I was after Sora's murder would've scared anyone.

I had run to Riku's house right after seeing Sora's dead body. I had to see someone who could understand my pain. Somebody who would truly miss Sora.

Riku's parents were out of town on business. It had taken me a while to get the story out. I was hysterical. When the words finally fought their way from my throat he had stared at me without a word for a very long time. He'd pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, surprising me. Then he'd calmly stood up, went to the coat closet, pulled out a gun from where it was hidden behind the coats, stuck the barrel in his mouth, and pulled the trigger. I got to watch two people die that night.

Blood. So much blood. Bloody water. A blood splattered room. Empty eyes. Pale skin. All of it smeared with crimson.

The nightmares haunted me still.

I wanted to kill myself too. I wanted to fling myself after Sora and his boyfriend. But I didn't. I just kept thinking about what Sora would want me to do. He wouldn't want me to die. So I didn't. Somehow. Someway. I kept surviving. But life felt so empty. So numb.

Everything was so disconnected. My teachers learned not to ask me for answers in class. My mother discovered that I no longer fought back when she hurt me. My only living friend, Zexion, gave up on trying to get me to talk to him, or to anyone really. Everyone learned to let my existence fade into the background. I existed physically, but inside I was more than broken. I was empty.

Today was just like every other day. I went through all the motions of living without any emotion. I woke up, took a shower, got dressed, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth, and drove to school. I went to each class, sat in the very back corner seat, didn't listen to a word that was said, and went on to my next class to do the same. At lunch I sat alone and barely ate a thing. Everything was the same, until last period English class when two new students were introduced. I didn't catch their names. In fact, I probably wouldn't even have noticed them if I hadn't glimpsed one of the boy's flaming red hair out of the corner of my eyes. That, and he was assigned to sit right next to me where he attempted to engage me in conversation. I, of course, ignored him just as completely as I ignored everyone else.

I did glance at him once. He was all blood red and night black with pale smooth skin and flashing green eyes. Black and red. He was almost beautiful in a way. I liked the slight aura of darkness around him. I liked the blackness, though the red made me think once more of clouded bathwater and dead eyes. Pain tore at my chest. I quickly smothered the emotion.

"Hey kid what's your problem?" he asked, leaning over to prod me with his finger.

"That's Roxas," said the girl sitting behind the new red haired guy. "He doesn't talk to anybody."

"Is he mute?" The guy asked.

She shook her head. "He used to talk. Then three years ago his twin brother, Sora, died. I think he fell asleep in the bathtub and drowned or something. After that Roxas just started ignoring everyone. It's really sad. He was really close to his brother."

"God kid, don't you know it's not healthy to bottle all that hurt up inside?" the boy asked me with another poke.

I remained silent.

"I'm Alicia by the way," the girl said, leaning closer to the red head. "And you're Axel right?"

"Ya," he replied shortly.

Axel. So the guy's name was Axel. I don't even know why I'd payed enough attention to find that out. I focused on blanking out my mind like usual. There was no need to listen to my classmates petty conversations. Darkness. Blackness. I let it overwhelm me.

There was nothing.

"Hey kid! Roxas!" It was that guy, Axel. I had barely even realized that class was over and I was walking home. Everything just went on autopilot for me sometimes. "Want a ride?"

I stared at him blankly. A ride. Why not? It's not like I had to talk to the guy. And my house was pretty far away. I mechanically walked over to the black sports car he'd pulled up next to the sidewalk I was walking along and got into the passengers seat. He took off as soon as I was seated.

"Hey, put your seatbelt on," he ordered me with a grin.

I didn't move. I didn't see the point. If we got in a car wreck I would hopefully die. That would be nice. A way to end my misery without killing myself.

Axel shrugged when I didn't do anything. "Your own life kid."

Damn right it was my own life. If I died I wouldn't blame this guy. I'd thank him.

"So where do you live Blondie?" the red headed asked. "I need to know where to take you."

He was smirking. He probably figured this was a way to get me to talk to him. I thought for a moment before reaching for my bag and pulling out my sketch book. I scribbled down a map and drew a trail of where to go. Axel squinted curiously at me out of the corner of his eyes. I thrust the drawing into his lap and put my sketchbook away. He raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything.

It took fifteen minutes to get to my house. Axel continued his attempts to draw me into a conversation several times. In the end he gave up and settled for chatting away at me. I tuned him out, not listening to a single word he said. Like I cared what he had to say.

When he pulled to a stop in front of my house I immediately climbed out and headed inside without looking back or giving any indication of gratitude. I didn't care what Axel made of that. I didn't care what anyone thought, least of all him. With his flaming red that made me think of death. Red blood. Crimson blood. Staining the white walls, dirtying the water. Two different deaths. So much pain.

I gasped, clutching at my chest, and stumbled into my room, kicking off my shoes. My monster of a mother wasn't home. She was rarely home now days.

The pain. I couldn't stop it from surfacing today. It was the red. Blood blood blood. I dug my fingernails into my arms as I collapsed onto my bed. Everything blurred out of focus. Pain. Hurt. Grief so deep it made me scream and claw and the pale underside of my arms until I bled. I hated it.

I felt around on my bedside table for my knife. My fingers gripped the handle weakly and pulled it close. I placed the silver blade near the crook of my elbow and slid it across, watching my skin part easily. Blood instantly spilled over my arm staining it red. I continued to cut down my arm before moving onto the next one.

Hate.

Blood.

Pain.

I hated everything. I hated myself for not being able to save Sora and Riku. I hated myself for being so weak. I hated myself for existing. I hated my mother. I despised her. I loathed her. I wished she were dead. I wished she was burning in Hell. Evil demon bitch. Filthy murdering whore.

I couldn't quite remember why I was still alive. Would Sora really want me to live when living hurt me so much? Wouldn't it be better to put myself out of my misery? My digital clock blurred before my eyes. I'd been lying here suffering for hours. I dragged myself to my feet and staggered back out of my house. It was dark out already. I knew where to go. The bridge, the river. I was so very tired of this pain. I was so tired of standing in the dark, smothering myself with numbness.

I never wanted to stand in this darkness again.

The air was cold and rocks sliced at my feet. My arms continued to bleed from my cutting leaving a trail of blood where I walked. I barely felt any of it. What was some cold or cut feet or mutilated arms compared to this torture in my heart? If only I didn't have a heart. If I could rip it out of me perhaps the pain would stop. Perhaps the emotions would go away. If only I were heartless. A Nobody. The term sounded familiar giving me a brief feeling of deja vu.

I trudged onward. I didn't know how long I walked until I reached the bridge. Time had no meaning. It just ran together in a haze.

I clutched the railing and gazed down at the water rushing below. It was only fitting that I died by drowning. Then I could feel how Sora felt when I failed to save him. I deserved this.

I climbed the railing clumsily until I stood, balanced precariously on it. The breeze whipped my limp blonde spikes into my face. I took a deep breath of air. Finally I was going to do what I should have done the moment I saw Sora dead. Finally I was going to be free of this pain and darkness. I felt a moment of absolute relief as I closed my eyes, relaxed, and fell forward.


	3. Chapter 2: Standing on the Bridge

**Author's Note:**** Thanks so much to ****_RelieveTheGreat _****for your review! :D I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. It's Axel's POV. Please tell me what you think.**

**Chapter 2: Standing on the Bridge**

**(Axel's POV)**

I yawned as I shrugged on my black leather jacket and snagged my backpack. It was my first day at my new school today. My mom had spent last night fussing over me, telling me not to wear so much black and to get my hair cut, my tattoos removed, and take out all of my piercings. My parents wanted me to look 'proper' and to 'fit in'. I didn't really give a shit what they wanted. I looked how I wanted to look and made friends with whoever I wanted to. I didn't care much for trying to 'fit in' with the popular crowd like my parents begged me to do. It was my life to live after all, not theirs.

I pounded down the stairs and out the front door calling out a "bye mom!" over my shoulder.

"Be good! Remember who you are! You're Axel Shade and you have a name to uphold young man!" she called back.

"Like hell I'll be good," I snorted as I climbed into my precious car. And I could give a damn about 'upholding' our family name. My perfect proper parents did enough 'upholding' and shit to cover all of us. I knew that I could do whatever I wanted and no matter how bad things got all I'd ever received was a stern talking to from my dad and a few of my mom's over-dramatic "I'm so sorry this is my fault because I'm a terrible parent and you don't know better" speeches.

All in all life was pretty easy. We'd moved quite a few times so I've never developed any close friends or serious relationships but my parents were determined that this was the last move we'd ever make. We were going to stay in this town at least until I graduated high school. I was sixteen, a junior, so I had two more years of schooling to go before I got to move out and go to college.

People stared when I pulled into the school parking lot. My precious baby car was flashy and I knew it. It was the only thing I ever flaunted. Usually I didn't give a damn about being rich and I had never been snooty or arrogant about it but I couldn't resist in indulging in an expensive car. I loved cars.

The school was relatively small and I found the front office easily. A plump, friendly looking woman seated at the front desk smiled brightly at me.

"You must be Demyx Hart!" she cried out cheerfully.

I took a step back, overwhelmed by her sunny nature. "Uh... no. The name's Axel Shade."

"Oh!" She looked very surprised. I'm sure she didn't expect the son of one of the richest men in the country to look anything like me. People can be so stereotypical sometimes. I was used to it by now though.

"Well I do apologize my dear. Here's your schedule! Our other new student, Demyx, should be here any minute and I'll send you two off with your guide, Zexion. You both have the same first period class as Zexion so he'll show you where it is. In fact , you have two classes with Demyx today and three with him tomorrow! Who knows, you might end up as friends!" the woman chirped, smiling so widely I feared her face might break.

The office door opened saving me from having to reply to Happy Woman's ecstatic comments. A boy my age stepped in. He was a bit shorter than me and had a strange haircut that looked like some sort of mix between a fohawk and a mullet. Some how he made it work though. Actually he was sort of cute. He had a cheerful face and looked like he was the strange, hyper, slightly clueless type of person.

"Ah you must be Demyx Hart!" Happy Woman exclaimed.

The boy nodded, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "That's me!"

"This here is Axel Shade. He's also a new student. You two have the same first and last period today. Zexion has the same first class as you so he'll show you where to go." She handed Demyx his schedule and gestured toward some seats against the wall at my right. "Ready to go Zexion?"

"Yes." The boy replied dully.

"Holy shit!" I yelped. I hadn't noticed the boy sitting there the entire time. He'd startled the hell out of me!

Happy Woman got a stern look on her face. "Now now Axel, we don't tolerate curse words in this school. Watch your tongue."

I couldn't help but snort out a laugh. "You are aware that this is a high school aren't you lady? You can't seriously expect to keep the place free of swearing?"

Happy Woman no longer looked anywhere close to happy. She scowled at me. "Now listen here young man! I expected better from you. I'm sure you're parents didn't raise you to use bad language like some sort of hooligan! So please refrain from swearing while on school property."

I did my best not to burst out laughing. "Yes ma'am."

"Good! Now Zexion, take them to class,"Not-So-Happy-Anymore Woman ordered stiffly.

He nodded silently and walked toward the door without a word. I followed behind him with a grin at Demyx who smiled right back at me. "We're going to be best friends!" he whispered loudly. I just laughed. He might be right but I didn't know him all that well yet so I didn't want to get his hopes up just in case.

We were led into a classroom by our quiet guide just as the warning bell rang.

"That means we have five minutes to get to class," Zexion said in a soft voice.

"Ok." I tried to look him in the eye but he was hiding my his strangely colored hair. Of course I wasn't one to talk about strange hair color. Mine was a brilliant shade of red after all.

Demyx and I spoke to the teacher, an energetic man with graying hair and a wide smile. We were able to sit wherever we wanted in this class so I took a seat in the back and Demyx followed suit, occupying the desk next to me. "This is going to be fun!" he squealed. I raised my eyebrows. "Seriously? I hate math."

"Then I shall help you!" he crowed with a giggle.

I blinked at him a couple times before letting a smile settle across my face. "Great."

Demyx seemed like a spazz but I didn't mind. I was a pretty accepting person. I was cool with anyone who didn't try to order me around. Know-it-all's with leadership complexes annoyed the hell out of me. I guess you could say I have 'authority issues'.

The day went by pretty quickly. I got hit on by a few girls but easily brushed them off. I wasn't into girls. The fact that I was gay mortified my parents and they did their best to keep it all hush hush but I didn't give a damn about that. I did what I pleased and I wasn't ashamed of who I was.

At lunch time I found Demyx and we sought out Zexion. We discovered him sitting alone at a table reading a book while nibbling at a sandwich. I felt kind of bad seeing him there by himself. I know I'm a total badass but I have a soft spot for lonely people and the poor emoish looking kid didn't seem to have any friends.

"Zexy!" Demyx cried, flinging his arms around the quiet boy from behind. "Can we sit with you?"

Zexion jumped looking mildly terrified but a slight blush dusted his cheeks when he saw who it was hugging him. He blinked up at Demyx uncertainly. "I suppose so."

"Yay!" Demyx squealed. He plopped himself down on Zexion's right side with his lunch tray and motioned for me to sit as well. With a chuckle at the spastic blond's antics I did as he wanted.

It took a few minutes but Demyx was finally able to get the lilac haired emo boy to join in a conversation with him. I watched the two with amusement. Zexion was obviously crushing on Demyx. I could tell from the way he watched the other boy and his constant blushing. I was pretty sure Demyx liked Zexion in return but with the spastic blond it was harder to tell. He always showed such exuberance toward everyone and I didn't know him well enough to tell if he was giving Zexion any special attention.

When lunch ended we parted ways. I didn't see Demyx until last period. As we entered the English classroom my eyes swept the room and landed on the cutest boy I'd ever seen. He had spiky blond hair and piercing blue eyes. His face was adorable with soft boyish features and he was short. I could imagine hugging him, his face pressed against my chest. It was all I could do not to gape in wonder as the teacher introduced us to the class.

I was delighted to be assigned the seat right next to the cute little blond. Demyx noticed my excitement and once and the direction of my gaze. He giggled, elbowed me, and wiggled his eyebrows with a wide grin. I laughed and gave him a playful shove as we separated to sit in our assigned seats.

Up close I could tell that something was wrong with my newest infatuation. There was an aura of emptiness about him. His eyes were a beautiful shade of blue, startling in the intensity of their color, but there were horribly blank, like a dolls. He held himself so unnaturally still that I wondered for a moment if he was even breathing. His expression was vacant. There was something terribly off about this boy.

"Hey," I said, keeping my voice down so that I wouldn't attract the attention of our teacher. "You alright man?"

He didn't react at all. It was like he didn't even hear me.

"Hey you alive in there?" I asked worriedly.

Once again I received no response though I did think I saw his eye flit towards me for a fraction of a second but it happened so fast that I wasn't sure if I'd imagined it.

"Hey kid what's your problem?" I asked. I prodded him with my finger, wondering if physical contact might snap him out of it.

He didn't even twitch.

"That's Roxas. He doesn't talk to anybody," a nasally feminine voice stage whispered from behind me. I twisted in my seat to look at her. She had glossy bleached blond hair, a small pointed nose, and eyes that were a murky gray-brown. She was wearing too much make-up and showing too much cleavage.

"Is he mute?" I asked curiously.

She shook her head and batted her long, glittery fake eyelashes at me. "He used to talk. Then three years ago his twin brother, Sora, died. I think he fell asleep in the bathtub and drowned or something. After that Roxas just started ignoring everyone. It's really sad. He was really close to his brother."

I froze for a moment. That was horrible. I couldn't imagine having a sibling, let alone a twin, but I was knew it must have been a painful thing for this kid to go through. "God kid, don't you know it's not healthy to bottle all that hurt up inside?" I asked quietly. I poked him again, this time I didn't expect a reaction. And I didn't get one.

"I'm Alicia by the way," the girl said, leaning closer to me. She was thrusting her chest out and tugging her shirt a little lower. I could practically see nipple at this point. I shivered in disgust. "And you're Axel right?" she continued with a lipstick smeared smile.

"Ya." My reply was short and pointedly disinterested. She pouted a little and tried to say something else but I interrupted her. "I'm gay. Like really really gay."

"Oh." She stared at me in shock for a moment before sitting back in her seat and tugging up the collar of her shirt a little. I breathed a sigh of relief and turned back to face the front. Roxas, what a cute little name. I liked it.

I couldn't help but watch him out of the corner of my eye throughout the entire class period. He never moved, never showed any sign of life aside from the slight rise and fall of his chest. It scared me a bit. There had to be more to his story. To have something happen that cause so much pain you turned into a sort of zombie he must have gone through something horrifying.

When the bell rang he moved suddenly, picking up his backpack and standing mechanically. He moved toward the classroom door like he was on autopilot. There was still no sign of life in those beautiful blue eyes.

Demyx caught up with me as we left the class. He grinned at me crazily. "You like that blond boy don't you?" he asked gleefully.

"He's cute," I shrugged, "but there's something wrong with him. He's just... empty. And he doesn't talk. I want to change that."

Demyx's smile drooped a little. "That's so sad. What's his name? Did you find that out?"

"Ya. Some girl told me that it's Roxas. She said he was that way because his brother died. But the way he was acting... there has to be more to the story."

"Roxas," Demyx pondered thoughtfully. "I'll try asking Zexy about him. He might know something about what happened to him."

"Zexy huh? I've noticed that you've taken to calling him that. Do you have a little crush too?" I nudged him with a smirk.

The hyper boy blushed and nodded frantically. "He's just so _cute_."

"If you say so," I chuckled. "Not really my type."

"No _you_ like adorable blond boys named Roxas," Demyx teased back. He gave my shoulder a playful punch as we reached the parking lot. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sure thing." I nodded.

I climbed into my baby and started up the engine. As I pulled away from the school I noticed Roxas a little ways up the street. He was walking along the sidewalk as expressionless as ever. I drove up along side him and slowed down, rolling down my window as I did so. "Hey kid! Roxas! Want a ride?"

He turned and looked at me with his blank eyes. He didn't even give any indication that he'd heard me, just walked up to my car, opened the passenger door, and climbed in. I grinned at my success and gunned the car the moment his door shut. I didn't want to give him a chance to change his mind.

"Hey, put your seatbelt on," I said. I smiled at him with a halfhearted hope that he just might smile back. He didn't of course. He stared straight ahead as if I hadn't spoken to him at all. I was sure he heard me though. Something had flickered momentarily in his eyes when I'd spoken to him. Well whatever. If he didn't want to buckle up he didn't have to. "Your own life kid."

Still no reply. Shocker.

"So where do you live Blondie? I need to know where to take you." I was suddenly very curious about what kind of house he lived in. What were his parents like? Did he talk when he was at home or was he just as withdrawn and mute as he was everywhere else?

For a moment there was silence. I grinned as I waited for him to figure out a way to communicate with me despite his obvious inability to speak. I was about to repeat the question, not sure if it had reached him through his odd state when he moved, reaching for his bag and pulling out a sketch book. Roxas bent over it, scribbling something down quickly. A little of his blond hair fell into his eyes but he didn't move it out of the way, just concentrated on what he was doing. He was still emotionless, his movements stiff, but it was the most life I'd seen from him since we'd met. I watched him in fascination out of the corner of my eye, trying to keep at least some of my attention on the road.

After a moment the little blond ripped the page from the sketch book. He shoved it at me and it ended up resting across my legs. Despite the continued emptiness of his eyes and blankness of his expression his actions seemed almost_ frustrated _or something. I raised my eyebrows but didn't comment, opting instead to glace at the paper. The drawing was neat and easy to understand. The handwriting was small and a little messy. I found it adorable.

"So what kind of music are you into?" I questioned as I used my free hand to fumble with the radio. I didn't really expect him to answer and he didn't. I asked a few more questions, just to confirm that he was 't going to reply to me. He remained silent.

I couldn't stand the silence between us though. So I talked and talked and talked, trying to fill up the quiet. Most of what I said was random babbling but Roxas didn't seem to mind. In fact I was quiet sure he'd tuned out everything I'd just said.

When we pulled up to his house he bolted from the car. I watched him with worry, biting down on my lip and chewing at it in frustration. I wanted to help this kid but he wasn't going to make it easy at all.

The house Roxas lived in was kind of small. The grass was a little long but it was a healthy color of green and despite the size and feel of age about the home it looked like someone cared for it well enough.

I sat in front of his house for a moment and stared at it thoughtfully. Tomorrow I'd check up with Demyx and see what Zexion had told him about Roxas. Hopefully the emo boy knew something about my little blond. I was burning with curiosity. With a sigh I pulled out of Roxas's driveway. He didn't seem to be coming out any time soon. Not really sure what else to do I drove back home.

My mother was on me the moment I opened the door. I was surprised to see her home. She looked like she was about to leave though. Her hair was done up and her makeup was flawless. Her high heels clacked loudly on the hard floor and she swept me into a hug and cooed "how was my boy's first day of school?" I batted her fussy hands away and smiled. "It was alright."

"Good," she smiled back at me. "Well I'm off. You're father's leaving on a business trip and taking me with him this time."

I sighed. "Mom we just barely got here and you're already leaving?"

"Oh you'll be fine won't you? We'll only be gone a week or so."

I shook my head. That was just like my mother. She loved to travel and always tried to tag along on father's trips. "Ya I'll be ok. I'll see you in a week mom."

"Oh good." She hugged me again before breezing past me and out the front door.

I trudged up the stairs and dropped my backpack in my room. I wondered what I should do. I hadn't gotten Demyx's number so couldn't exactly call him up and see if he wanted to hang out. Today was promising to be a boring day.

I ended up sitting around watching TV for a few hours before I decided that I really needed to get out of the house. I put on my shoes and left. I didn't know my way around the town yet so I just wandered aimlessly. The sun started to sink, turning the sky soft shades of pink and orange.

I passed shop after shop, looking for something to catch my interest. I'd been walking for a while when I noticed the bridge. Or more specifically, the person _on_ the bridge. A little blond was staggering across it. He was bleeding.

I realized with dawning horror what he was about to do as he approached the railing. I ran.

"Roxas!" I screamed. "Roxas stop!"

He didn't seem to hear me and he straightened up, his feet planted firmly on the bridge's railing. I continued to sprint, my feet were on the bridge now. I was so close. For the first time since we'd met Roxas looked _alive. _His eyes were no longer blank and a relieved smile spread across his face. He looked so content and he fell forward to his death.

My arms circled him just in time, yanking him backwards. His body hit mine hard and we were both sent sprawling on the ground. I quickly sat up and leaned over Roxas to asses the damage. He looked weak and pale. His arms still bled freely and his feet were a mess. His fiery blue eyes glared at me with hate before the flickered closed and he passed out.

I fumbled for my cell phone and dialed 911. My fingers were clumsy with the buttons and I had to try three times before I finally got the three important numbers right. I was scared. So scared. Roxas had almost died right in front of me.

The ambulance arrived in record time and I watched them cart the little blond off with fear in my heart. Oh please god let Roxas be ok.


	4. Chapter 3: Everything's a Mess

**Author's Note:  
****First off, THANK YOU sooooo much to my reviewers! When I saw those reviews it made me so happy! Thanks to ****_Nexir, The Crows eye, RelieveTheGreat,_**** and especially to ****_mewmew_**** who's review made me squeal with happiness because she got from this story exactly what I was trying to go for! You all made my day! **

**I apologize for the shortness of this chapter. I seem to have a hard time making Roxas' chapters very long. Hopefully I'll eventually get better at making his chapters longer. Enjoy and let me know what you think!**

**Chapter 3: Everything's A Mess**

(Roxas's POV)

I opened my eyes to the sterile whiteness of a hospital room. I stared blankly at the ceiling for a moment. I'd been so close. So close to escape. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to smother the rush of despair with numbness. That damn redheaded bastard had ruined everything.

Color burst behind my eyelids forming memories. The blackness of the sky broken by the glow of the moon. The cold silver metal of the bridge railing. The still, murky surface of the river below. Then the bright red hair clashing against the darkness of my surroundings and brilliant green eyes that almost seemed to glow, peering down at me as I realized that I'd failed.

I opened my eyes again with a groan. I felt anger, pain, and misery boiling in my veins. I was having difficulty smothering them when before it had been so easy. Perhaps when I'd just let go of all my walls right before I thought I was going to die I'd done something. I'd damaged my ability to properly numb myself of feeling. God damn it all.

My arms and feet were heavily bandaged and my head felt heavy. Why was I still alive? I should have fallen. I should have died.

I wanted to see my brother again.

The nurse walked into the room just in time to see me weakly attempting to rip the bandages from my arms. I just wanted to bleed. I had failed. I was so worthless I couldn't even succeed at ridding the world of my waste of life. These emotions I'd kept suppressed for so long were overwhelming me with their intensity. Why was I alive? WHY AM I ALIVE?

The nurse was speaking now. Her tone was distressed. Her face was upset. I couldn't understand the words. Everything was muffled. My vision blurred. I wanted to scream. I needed to see Sora. Where was my brother? Where was Sora?

"Sora!" The name burst from my lips without my permission. The first time I'd spoken in so long. My voice sounded so pathetic and lost. I sounded just how I felt in that moment, utterly broken.

A flash of red caught my eye and I paused, surprised to see Axel standing in the doorway watching me. His stunning green eyes were so very sad. Why did he save me? Why was I alive? I just wanted to see Sora.

The lanky boy was next to my bed now. He was speaking to me. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to loathe him for taking away my chance to be with Sora again. But his voice was so kind and he seemed kind of lonely. I looked back up at the ceiling. The nurse re-wrapped my bandages. Her fingers were gentle.

Everything was a mess.

"Roxas? Did you hear me?" I realized vaguely that Axel was still speaking to me. I sighed a little and turned my eyes to him.

"I met your mom. She seemed really worried. She didn't want you to end up in a mental hospital so we came up with a story together that wouldn't make it look like you were attempting suicide..." he trailed off when he caught sight of the horrified expression on my face. "What?"

Of course my mom would make up a story. That's what she was good at. I was accident prone. I'd been mugged. A bully had beaten me up at school. I fell down the stairs. I'd been in a hit-and-run accident. I knocked a pot of boiling water on myself. I'd been running with scissors and tripped.

There were so many stories. So many excuses. My mother knew how to come off as a desperately worried mom. She was an incredible actress. Nobody had ever questioned her lies. Not even when she'd murdered my brother. So I couldn't blame Axel for believing that she was sane. For believing that she was worried about me.

"Roxas!" I flinched violently at the sound of my mother's voice. The redheaded boy sitting by my bed watched my reaction looking increasingly confused and worry. "I was so worried sweetheart. What were you thinking?"

I closed my eyes tightly. I didn't want to see her face. I tuned her out, concentrating instead on the sound of Axel's breathing and the slight sounds he made every time he shifted in his chair.

"They said I could take you home now. You just need to be careful not to rip your stitches open..." I couldn't quite block out all of my mother's false worry. "Axel would you be a dear and help me get him to the car?"

"Of course Ms. Black."

A warm hand slipped behind me, propping me up. I opened my eyes and watched Axel as he helped me get out of bed. Why was he helping me? I didn't understand. Why did he seem to care so much? He noticed me watching and smiled reassuringly. I just stared.

When Axel's warm hands left me at our car I felt a chill race through my body. I hated it. I wished the damn red head would stay out of my life. I wished he'd let me die.

I climbed into the car mechanically and listened to the muffled sounds of my mother thanking my classmate before getting into the drivers seat. The ride home was silent. I could feel the waves of crazy fury coming from the woman behind the steering wheel. I just knew that as soon as we got home she'd explode.

I was right.

"What were you thinking you little shit?! Do you know how it would look for me if you killed yourself. You only think about yourself. Don't you even care after all I've done for you? You're ungrateful and pathetic!"

I began to withdraw into myself, knowing that after the screaming always came the pain. It was something that I've done since I was little. Whenever my mother was hurting me I just hid my mind in another, happier place until she was finished. It helped me get through it. Otherwise I wasn't sure I'd be able to endure her beatings and remain sane.

_I was on a small island in another world. I stood on a sandy beach in nothing but my swim trunks, stretching and soaking up the sun. Sora was in the water with Riku. He laughed and splashed some water at his boyfriend. My brother looked so completely happy._

I could feel the sting of my mother's nails digging into my shoulder hard enough to draw blood as she shook my and continued screaming. I tried harder to block reality out.

_Riku dove, tackling Sora into the ocean. They were both laughing now and soaking wet. Sora looked up just then and saw me watching. With a grin he sloshed through the water towards me and flung a soaking arm around my neck. "Come on Roxas! The water's so fun!"_

The pain in my arms almost drew me out of my pretend world. I was vaguely aware that my bandages were gone now and I could feel warm blood sliding down my arms and dripping from my fingertips.

_The sun blazed hot and the water _did_ look tempting. I chuckled and gave my brother a playful nudge. "Alright Sora, if you insist."_

_"__Yay!" Sora cried ecstatically. He ran ahead of me kicking up water as he went. Riku watched us both with a smile. Everyone was so happy._

A little while later I finally let myself drift back to reality so that I could asses the damage. I was still in the front room. I was sprawled out on the hard floor. My mother was nowhere in sight much to my relief. I looked down at myself. Several of the cuts on my arms were reopened. My stomach hurt like hell and when I tugged up my t-shirt I saw that it was discolored with bruises. Not bad at all. I could handle some bruises and some bleeding. At least she hadn't broken any bones this time.

I managed to drag myself to my feet, using the couch for support. I clutched my stomach with a wince but managed to make it to my room before collapsing on my bed. I missed my brother more than ever today. I just wanted to see Sora again. That's all I wanted.

My mind flickered briefly to Axel again. I desperately wanted to ask him why he'd bothered with saving my life and keeping me from the happy release of death. I wasn't sure how I'd do this. I hadn't talked in years aside from crying out Sora's name in the hospital. However, maybe it was time to break out of this zombie state I'd been in since my brother was killed just long enough to confront this boy before I found a gun and made sure my next try at dying didn't fail.

Tomorrow, I decided, I would find Axel and sate my curiosity. Then, tomorrow I would finally be with Sora again.


	5. Chapter 4:Why Is Everything So Confusing

**Author's Note: ****You guys make me so happy with your reviews and favorites! Thanks a million times over to my reviewers: ****_RelieveTheGreat_**** who always seems to be one of the first to review for each new chapter. You rock! ****_HopelessDreamer56_**** who reviewed for the first time. Welcome to my story and thanks for taking the time to let me know that you liked it! ****_The Crows Eye_**** who helped motivate me to get this chapter out as quickly as I could! And lastly but most certainly not least, MewMew whose long reviews and awesome praise always make my day! I smile every time I read your reviews! I'm glad that you like my writing style and that I'm doing a good job with the characters. I apologize for the long author's note. On with the story!**

**Chapter 4: Why Is Everything So Confusing?**

(Axel's POV)

I ended up in the hospital waiting room for most of the day. I'm not quite sure why I was so worried about this kid. Sure he was super cute and I wanted to know more about what drove him to this point but it was more than that. There was this deep terrible ache at the thought of what would have happen if I hadn't been there to stop the boy from jumping. For some reason the thought of living in a world with out Roxas hurt more than I could comprehend. I felt an unexpected connection to him.

I paced back and forth anxiously. Roxas's mother was sleeping in her chair. It had been over twelve hours since I'd found the blond boy on the bridge but I hadn't been able to sleep. I was missing my second day of school but I didn't really care. Some things were more important. I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate even if I did go.

I'd first met the f woman that I knew at once must be Roxas's mother after being in the hospital waiting room for two hours. She had the same blond hair and cutesy facial structure. There was something slightly off about her though. Her mouth smiled at me but her eyes were ice cold.

"You're the boy that saved my son aren't you? That's what they told me. They said you found him on the bridge trying to join his brother." She choked up a bit, her lips trembling. "Loosing Sora was bad enough. I can't imagine what I would've done if Roxas had left me as well. I'm forever in your debt."

I looked at her in surprise. "You don't owe me anything Ms. Black. I just did what anyone would have done."

Something dark flickered across her expression. "Regardless I thank you... what's your name?"

"Axel," I replied.

She nodded with a tight smile and plopped into the plastic chair next to me.

"They're going to start asking questions. We're going to have to come up with a story that doesn't make it look like Roxas had harmed himself or was trying to commit suicide."

I glanced at her with confusion.

"They'd commit him to a mental institution. Roxas needs help but I know that that's not the kind of place he needs to be right now. In fact I'm sure it would only make things worse," the blonde woman explained.

I slowly nodded in understanding. I suppose I could understand that.

We'd devised a reasonable alibi for Roxas and I'd watched the woman deliver her fake story with so much conviction that I almost believed it myself. It was kind of terrifying how well she lied. Now she looked peaceful and innocent as she slept.

It was nearly noon when they finally let me in to see Roxas. They said he'd probably be waking up soon. His mother was still asleep so I went to visit him alone.

When I reached the room number I'd been given I paused in the doorway. The cute blond was awake and appeared to be in a frantic freak out. His fingers tore at the bandages on his arms and his big blue eyes were wide with pain and desperation. Each breath grew faster until I feared he was hyperventilating.

"Sora!"

That single word broke my heart.

It was the first time I'd heard Roxas's voice. He sounded utterly lost. His lonely cry was full of pain and grief. From that single name I was able to get a glimpse of just how deeply Roxas needed his brother.

He stopped struggling suddenly and I realized that he was looking at me now. I remembered the way he'd looked at me when I'd saved him. Those beautiful baby blues had been burning with hatred. I expected him to look at me the same way now, to drive daggers into my heart with his gaze. I was wrong. He didn't glare. He just looked at me with no particular expression on his face.

"Hey," I said quietly as I stepped into the room.

He didn't reply but his eyes stayed on me. I moved towards the bed and as I took a seat he looked away, staring blankly at the ceiling. The nurse gave a sigh of relief at his sudden stillness and went to work re-wrapping his bandages.

"I'm sorry that you're hurting so much," I whispered.

He didn't seem to hear me. His expression was empty now. It reminded me of the first time I'd met him. His body had become an empty shell as he hid himself in a small corner of his mind.

"I met your mom," I said casually, wondering if this would bring out a reaction.

He didn't so much as blink. The nurse left the room. I stared at Roxas intently. "Roxas? Did you hear me?" I raised my voice a bit.

To my intense relief he finally turned his head a fraction and a little bit of life flickered in his eyes. I had a sudden surge of desire to see what Roxas would look like if he smiled. I wanted to see those sad, empty doll like eyes of his shine with joy. I wondered if that would ever happen. I decided to make it my new goal in life. Make Roxas Black smile.

"I met your mom. She seemed really worried." I told him gently. "She didn't want you to end up in a mental hospital so we came up with a story together that wouldn't make it look like you were attempting suicide..." I frowned and stopped talking when I noticed that his face was actually showing emotion. He looked absolutely horrified. I was confused. Why was Roxas so upset about me talking to his mom? "What?"

He just continued to look at me in clear distress. I rubbed the back of my head trying to figure out exactly what part of what I'd said had upset him. I opened my mouth to say something more when Roxas's mom cried out her sons name and moved past me to his bedside. He flinched back into his pillow at the sound of her voice like it caused him actual physical pain just to hear it. I was growing increasingly confused. Was Roxas scared of his mom?

"I was so worried sweetheart. What were you thinking?" She hovered over him, chewing at her bottom lip with distress over the situation.

Roxas quickly shut his eyes as if he couldn't stand the sight of her. It seemed to be that it really was his mom that was upsetting him so much.

"They said I could take you home now. You just need to be careful not to rip your stitches open..." The woman was still babbling away as if unaware that her son was doing his best not to listen to her. "Axel would you be a dear and help me get him to the car?"

I looked up at the sound of my name and forced a smile to mask my worry and building perplexity. "Of course Ms. Black."

I stood up and gently leaned towards Roxas. He seemed jittery and I didn't want to frighten him in any way. I cautiously pushed a hand behind his back and nudged him into a more upright position. His eyes opened in a startling flash of electric blue and rested on me. His face had resumed its emptiness but I saw a spark of something akin to fear flit across his expression. I gave him a smile, hoping to ease whatever was worrying him so much about his mom.

He looked at me the entire way to their car. I felt a strange thrill through my body knowing that those gorgeous eyes were focused on me. I liked it when Roxas looked at me. Which was kind of wrong. The poor kid had too many issues for me to burden him with my gay crush. He was mostly likely straight anyways. Most guys tended to be. I tried not to enjoy his strange and sudden attention too much.

When we reached the car I let my hands drop from his shoulders. The moment I let go of him a shiver racked his entire body. I blinked at him in surprise. I swallowed hard, telling myself that it didn't mean anything that his body had reacted that way to me.

He climbed into the car easily enough by himself but his movements had regained the stiffness of a boy who's mind wasn't all there. His eyes had gone glassy again. I frowned.

"Thank you dear." Roxas's mom flashed me a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "It's good to know there are kind people in the world like you." For a moment her words seemed to have a razor edge of sarcasm hidden beneath them but then her smile widened and I brushed the feeling off. I wasn't sure what to think of this strange woman with her cold smiles and talent for lies. She turned abruptly and got into the car.

I watched them drive away with concern gnawing at my heart. Something wasn't right. I wasn't sure exactly what it was. All I knew was that this entire thing had made me determined to find out what had hurt Roxas so badly and do my best to repair his sad empty soul. It had also instilled a fierce desire in me to see that beautiful blond boy smile.

For now I'd go home and sleep. I was exhausted, practically dead on my feet. But tomorrow I'd approach him. Tomorrow I'd try to find out what exactly had injured him so terribly. Tomorrow I'd attempt to unlock the horrors of Roxas Black's mangled heart.

**Ending Note: ****Sorry if the writing skill in this chapter wasn't quite as good as the others. College and work have been killing me lately and I feared I might have rushed this a bit. I hope it turned out ok. Next chapter things start to actually get interesting! **

**P.S. All of the chapter titles as well as the title of the story came from one song. Name the song and I'll give you a prize!**


	6. Chapter 5: Take Me By The Hand

**Author's****Note:**Hello loves! Sorry that it's been so long since my last update. I went to the local anime convention shortly after posting the last chapter and it got me in an anime frenzied mood that left me forgetting about this story for a little bit. But I should be back to updating every few days now.

Thanks to my awesome reviewers! _The crows eye, RelieveTheGreat, Leven the Valkyrie, mangamichelle12, _and_ MewMew/Vedovis_ who actually made an account to favorite this story! You guys bring a smile to my face!

And congrats Vedovis for guessing the song correctly! It is indeed I'm With You by Avril Lavigne, one of my favorite songs :)

Now onward!

**Chapter 5: Take Me By the Hand**

(Roxas's POV)

I woke up to the blaring of my alarm clock like usual. I flicked the alarm off, climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom. My shower was warm, washing away the haze of sleep. I was careful of my injuries as I washed myself. It was just like every other morning.

I wrapped a fluffy towel around my waist and looked in the mirror, rubbing away the fog that clouded it. Yes, my routine was the exact same. But at the same time everything was completely different. _I_ was different. There was life in my eyes. When I looked at something I actually _saw_ it. My walls had been lifted by my near death experience. For the first time since my brother died I was allowing myself to be aware.

I pulled on my clothes. Dark jeans, gray t-shirt, black hoodie. The same gloomy kind of outfit I usually wore. Pulling my shoes on I was ready for school. Ready to face Axel. Ready for my last day of life.

The sky was dark and stormy when I headed outside. Thick clouds so gray they were almost black blanketed the sky, smothering the sun. I vaguely wondered if it would rain again today. I didn't mind the rain.

I thought about Axel as I walked to school. This strange boy with his odd colored hair who'd actually cared enough to save my life. I pondered his quirky smile and sad eyes. Something about him stirred a wondering curiosity within me. I felt an odd echo of recognition deep with in me as if somewhere on some other world in some other life I might have known him.

Axel. A brief image of the tall boy dressed in a hooded black leather garb holding some sort of weapons that looked like spiked wheels and surrounded by flames suddenly flickered across my memories. I frowned in confusion and shook my head. I was being silly. I'd never seen this guy before. He was just a strange boy who'd been showing an unusual interest in me.

It was a little strange how easily I faded into the background at school. People's eyes slid over me like I didn't exist. I felt like a ghost shuffling through the hallways. Not that I blamed anyone for not paying attention. I hadn't been this mentally present for years.

I'd arrived at school early on the chance that Axel would be there early too. The sooner I could speak to him the better. Talking to him was the only reason I'd come to school today.

There was a hole inside my heart. A big piece of me was missing. I was so sad. So alone. So totally unhappy. I wanted nothing more than to have someone who understood me, loved me even. My brother was the only one who'd done that for me. Without him I was so alone. It hurt so much to be so damn lonely. I just wanted to be free of this.

Talk to Axel. Then be free. Find out why he'd even bothered with me. Then finish what he'd prevented. Today I'd finally die. The pain would be gone at last.

I didn't even plan on bothering with classes. I plowed through the school hallways, oblivious to everyone else. My eyes searched insistently for bright red hair. Where was he? Where was Axel?

I found him standing by some lockers. He was with two people and I hesitated when I recognized one of them. Zexion. He looked painfully sad. His gaze was directed at Axel and I realized that he was talking to him. As I drew closer I heard my name murmured in the conversation. My former friend was talking about me to Axel.

I came to a stop directly behind the lanky red head. I paid no heed to what Zexion was saying, only waited silently. The third boy they were standing with watched me curiously but didn't say anything. It took a minute before Zexion caught sight of me. He froze mid word and stared from behind his curtain of hair. Axel slowly turned around.

"Roxas." I hated to hear such sadness in his voice when he said my name.

I looked him directly in the eyes. "I want to talk to you alone."

He looked shocked to hear me speak. Behind him Zexion's expression was absolutely stunned. He stared at me with wide eyes. There was an awkward pause before Axel nodded. "Ya sure."

I turned away without acknowledging the other two and walked away. I only glanced back once to make sure Axel was following me. When I saw the way he was watching me I quickly turned back around. I led him outside and around the the side of the school where I stopped abruptly and spun around to see him.

"Why did you do it?" I demanded to know.

He blinked at me several times with a confused look on his face. "Do what?"

I clenched my fists and dropped my gaze to the ground. "Why did you stop me?"

I watched understanding dawn on him followed by misery. "Roxas nobody has nothing to live for. You still have a whole life ahead of you. I know you've been through hell but there are still things to live for. You can meet people, find someone to care about and people to care about you in return. It doesn't have to end."

I bit my lip so hard that I tasted blood. My hands clenched into fists. "You don't understand. Sora was the only person who ever cared and he's gone now. It hurts so much. I can't... I can't..." To my horror I felt myself tearing up. I looked upward and swallowed down the tears like I always did. "I don't see any purpose for me in this life." I finally said when I'd gotten a hold of myself. "I can't do this anymore. I was going to be free. I was going to see my brother again. But you stopped me. You stopped me from finally being happy. Why did you do that!"

"Would your brother really want you to die?"

"Don't!" I snarled. "You don't think I've asked myself that a million times a day? Why do you think I've lasted so long? It took me three years to to realize that Sora would hate to see me in so much pain more than he would hate to see me join him and be free and happy. There is nothing for me here but in death I'll have him, I'll have Sora. Sora's all I need. Nobody is this empty life will ever care enough to keep me here."

I was breathing heavily, my shoulders heaving in anger. I wasn't sure if I was mad at him or just myself. I just knew that I was pissed and he was here in front of me asking me questions that I'd already tormented myself with. I glared at him with fury.

"Zexion cares." Axel said defiantly.

I looked away to scowl at the ground. Zexion was a confusing subject for me. I didn't know what to think about the situation with him.

I glanced back up at Axel with a frown still weighing down my mouth. The defiance and frustration seemed to drain right out of him. His expression softened.

"I care."

The words were nothing more than a soft whisper carried on a quiet exhale of breath but I heard them. I swallowed hard, going still. "You don't even know me," I managed to choke out.

He shook his head a little. "I don't think that's true. You feel it too don't you? This connection. It's like I've seen you somewhere before. It's hard to explain how or why but I just know that I don't want you to die. For some reason I want you to be happy. You deserve to find I nice girl and fall in love. You deserve to have a good family and a wonderful life. You can't die. Not yet."

I was shocked to find a tiny smile touch my lips. Axel beamed at the sight of it. "What?"

"That's not going to happen. At least not the part about falling in love with a girl. I'm gay." I said quietly.

He gaped at me in surprise for a moment before laughing. "Well I'll help you find a nice _guy_ then. Does that mean you aren't going to go running off another bridge the moment this conversation is over?"

As quickly as it had come the smile fled from my face. "I... I can't promise you anything."

Axel stepped forward and gripped my hand tightly. I flinched away from him. "I won't let you go anywhere until I know you aren't going to try to die."

I was torn. Confused. Lost. I'd been so certain that there was nothing left for me in life but here was Axel continuing to contradict all my thoughts. Here was Axel telling me he cared. This total stranger that I'd only met a few days ago. Yet he cared enough to once again do what he could to keep me alive.

"Not today," I finally said. "I wont die today."

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Well that's better than nothing. Come on let's get you to class."

His hand still gripped mine as he towed me back into the school. I gently curled my fingers around it. For some unexplainable reason I felt comforted by the strength of his hand holding mine.


	7. Chapter 6:Trying To Figure Out This Life

**Author's Note: ****Hi! Sorry that this took a little longer than expected but here it is at last! Axel's POV. Thanks to the two wonderful people who reviewed my last chpater, ****_Vedovis_**** and****_ KeakaSenka._**** You guys are amazing! I love reading your reviews! It makes me all giddy inside XD**

**Chapter 6: Trying to Figure Out This Life**

(Axel's POV)

The moment I got to school I found myself searching for Zexion. I remembered Demyx saying that he would ask the quiet boy about Roxas and I was eager for any information on him even if it wasn't much. I knew that everything hadn't been solved yesterday. Roxas was still in a dark place and most likely still suicidal. I had to give him a reason to stay alive. I wasn't sure how but I had to do it.

"Axel!" I whipped around at the sound of Demyx calling my name. He was standing next to some lockers hand in hand with Zexion. Those two had certainly gotten close quickly. I quickly approached them.

"Hey Demyx," I said. He greeted me in return with a concerned expression.

"Roxas," I said suddenly, my eyes quickly flickering toward Zexion. "I need to know anything you can tell me about him. He's suicidal. I know I'm almost a total stranger to him but I just..." my hand clenched into fists. "I have to help him. Don't ask me why. I just do."

The quiet boy nodded slowly. There was no judgment or confusion in his steady gaze as he launched into his story. "I used to be his best friend. Second to his brother of course. Those two were inseparable. Sora was like the sun." He swallowed hard and bit his lip as a horrible sadness swept his features. "He was so bright and energetic and popular. He was so full of innocence and optimism. He accepted everyone and they accepted him. He had a boyfriend, Riku Sommers, who'd been his best friend since they were in diapers. He loved Riku like crazy. You could see it in his eyes every time they looked at each other. But no matter how much he loved his boyfriend Roxas always came first. Always.

Roxas has always been very different than his twin. He was kind of quiet, a little grumpy, rather unapproachable. At least that's the way he seemed. The truth is, he just didn't really know how to deal with people. There's always been something... off about him. For as long as I remember his eyes have always been haunted by some hidden horror. And every so often I'd catch a glimpse of the same secret agony in Sora's eyes when he thought that nobody would see it.

I speculated over what they could be hiding. I cared about Roxas a great deal. Much deeper than I knew he would ever even consider feeling for me." His eyes darted toward Demyx apologetically before he continued. "Which is why it hurt so very much when he shoved me out of his life so forcefully after his brothers death and refused to even acknowledge my existence. Actually he refused to acknowledge anything really. Just sort of turned himself off and started existing on autopilot.

Anyways, It took a while before I began to realize that they both were always sporting some sort of injury. There was the occasional black eye, the small cuts, the faint bruises, and the horrible accidents every so often. Once at a sleepover when I accidentally walked in on Roxas changing I saw the horrible scar on his back and the skin around it was a disfigured mess of discolored bruises and broken skin.

I never got proof or confirmation from them but I think... I think it might be there mother. She..."

Zexion suddenly pause mid sentence, his eyes fixed on something over my shoulder. I suddenly became aware that Demyx was also looking in the same direction. I slowly turned around to see the cute little blond we'd just been discussing standing behind me. He stared at me, his expression blank.

"Roxas," I choked out.

His bright blue eyes suddenly snapped into focus, drilling directly into mine. I had to resist taking a step back as I was hit with the full intensity of his gaze. "I want to talk to you alone."

The only other time I'd heard him speak was when he'd called out his brother's name in the hospital. His voice had been so broken and desperate then. Now it was surprisingly strong and determined. I was stunned by the sudden life he was showing. Quickly shaking away my shock and nodded my head. "Ya, sure."

He spun on his heel and marched away without another word. I glanced quickly at my friends. Zexion still looked shocked. Demyx was unusually serious as he patted me on the back and whispered a 'good luck'. I nodded at them both and took off after Roxas. He glanced back only once as we walked as if checking to be sure I'd followed. I was lead outside and around the side of the school before the blond halted and turned to face me.

"Why did you do it?"

The way he asked the question I could tell it had been eating at him. I had no idea what he was talking about though. All I could concentrate on was the fire in his baby blues and the slight flush to his cheeks. He was absolutely adorable all fired up like this. So full of life.

"Do what?" I mumbled stupidly.

His eyes suddenly dropped from mine and his voice lost its fight. "Why did you stop me?"

Oh. Of course. How terribly sad that this poor broken boy couldn't comprehend why someone would want to save his life. My heart ached for him and his pain. "Roxas nobody has nothing to live for. You still have a whole life ahead of you. I know you've been through hell but there are still things to live for. You can meet people, find someone to care about and people to care about you in return. It doesn't have to end."

He tensed up. He was attempting to sound angry but all I could hear was desperation."You don't understand. Sora was the only person who ever cared and he's gone now. It hurts so much. I can't... I can't..." His control was slipping for a moment and I saw the naked agonizing horror behind his mask of frustration. He took a deep breath, shoving the pain away and I felt an strong urge to comfort him. It was a struggle to resist as I waited for him to continue. "I don't see any purpose for me in this life. I can't do this anymore. I was going to be free. I was going to see my brother again. But you stopped me. You stopped me from finally being happy. Why did you do that!"

I thought for a second, thinking back on everything I'd learned about Roxas. I need something to use against him to convince him to live. The obvious choice had to be Sora, Roxas's biggest weakness. "Would your brother really want you to die?"

Don't!" There was real anger in his voice this time. The mention of his brother cause a slight tremor in his hands. "You don't think I've asked myself that a million times a day? Why do you think I've lasted so long? It took me three years to to realize that Sora would hate to see me in so much pain more than he would hate to see me join him and be free and happy. There is nothing for me here but in death I'll have him, I'll have Sora. Sora's all I need. Nobody is this empty life will ever care enough to keep me here."

He was glaring at me like he was contemplating murder. I had been prepared for that though. I'd known his brother would be a touchy topic and I could tell that his anger wasn't entirely directed at me. He was angry at himself.

"Zexion cares." I retorted, remembering the way he'd spoken about Roxas. Even if they hadn't spoken for years and Zexion was going after Demyx now I could tell that he stare cared deeply for his former friend.

Roxas didn't reply for a moment. His sudden silence made me wonder. How exactly did Roxas feel about Zexion. What exactly had he been thinking when he'd shoved his only friend away when he'd needed that friend the most? When he finally met my eyes again there was confusion written across his features and a sad frown plastered over his mouth.

"I care." I didn't mean for the words to slip out but they did, driven by the ache I felt at his hearbreakingly sad expression.

The words made he pause before he nervously mumbled,"You don't even know me."

I shook my head a little and found myself continuing to blurt out things I'd meant to stay in my own mind. "I don't think that's true. You feel it too don't you? This connection. It's like I've seen you somewhere before. It's hard to explain how or why but I just know that I don't want you to die. For some reason I want you to be happy. You deserve to find I nice girl and fall in love. You deserve to have a good family and a wonderful life. You can't die. Not yet."

For a brief, fleeting instant I witnessed Roxas Black smiling.

"What?" I asked when I recovered from the beauty of that splint second wonder.

"That's not going to happen. At least not the part about falling in love with a girl. I'm gay." He sounded slightly amused by it. Roxas. Amused. And apparently gay.

. I tried to come up with something other than 'please make sweet sweet love to me my beautiful angel' as I didn't think that was appropriate for the current circumstances. "Well I'll help you find a nice _guy_ then. Does that mean you aren't going to go running off another bridge the moment this conversation is over?"

I cursed bringing up a depressing topic as I watched that brief bit of beauty end, Roxas's smile flickering out like a candle flame."I... I can't promise you anything."

Unable to resist trying to comfort him in some way I reached out to take his hand, not pulling away even when the blond flinched back from the touch. "I won't let you go anywhere until I know you aren't going to try to die."

I could see the emotions spiraling around in the small boy's head. He shifted uncomfortable before relaxing a little, looking resigned.

"Not today," he finally said. "I wont die today."

Relief washed over me. "Well that's better than nothing. Come on let's get you to class."

We headed back toward the school and it wasn't until we reached his classroom that I realized I'd been holding his hand the entire way there. And he'd let me.


End file.
